Loss of Innocence (Fiction)

From the meager collection in my closet, a single necktie stands out. A father’s day gift from just a few weeks ago, gaudy and loud. “#1 Dad” it exclaims, bold print glittering against a purple backdrop.

Ella had been so excited to give it to me.

My fingers run across the material, then squeeze into a fist.

“John?” Julie’s voice carries into our bedroom.

“Be right down.” Heels click against the floor, fading away. The tie falls from my grip, now wrinkled as hell; I loop it around my neck anyway.

The house feels so still. Empty. Once, doll clothes and shoes and hair things cluttered the floor; now, the planks lie bare, stripped of life and varnish. Jules can’t stop cleaning.

Bile rises in my throat.

“In here.” Echoes pierce the silence.

Julie stands in the kitchen, facing the window in a simple black dress. She’d worn it recently, on a rare date night. The material had hugged her body more tightly then.

“She would have loved those flowers.” She motions towards the bouquet on the table. “All of her favorite colors.”

My jaw tightens.

“Jules-“

She holds up her hand, turns around. Her appearance hits me like a freight train.

Despair steals away Julie’s beautiful, perfect face. Shadows trace lines across smooth skin. Tears flow like rivers, drip from her chin.

“No, John. Don’t. I know what you’re going to ask, and I don’t want to hear it.” Clenched teeth blur her words, but I hear them loud and clear.

I fold her into my arms. Hold on for dear life. She screams into my chest and we crumble.

Jules looks at me, gray eyes drowning.

“You’re not supposed to bury your children.” The words – only whispers – stab me, a million tiny cuts.

It hurts to breathe.

It hurts to think.

When Julie finally pulls away, she stares at the tie as if seeing it for the first time.

“Should – should I change it?” She shakes her head. Her fingers run over the wrinkles I’d made.

“No, no. Wear it. She’ll love it.”

I lean in, kiss her on the mouth.

“I’ll go start the car.” She takes a deep breath, nods.

“I’ll be right out.”